Love Talk with Japanese Girl: How Japanese Girl Chooses Boyfriend

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Omatase~~~~! (Sorry for keeping you waiting)

Finally, Love talk with Japanese Girl is released!!! Yeah!!!! Check it out!

Thanks for watching the whole 9 min video!! Thanks! I really appreciate every second you spend on watching my videos. I hope you learned something about Japan thru my videos ☺

I would like to thank Eri san for accepting my interview request. You know what, we did the recording on the next day right after I requested for the interview.

I was going to interview another Japanese girl but I got turned down at last minute because she was afraid to be on the screen. I was really shocked because I had just released the teaser video of the Love talk, and it was really hard to find a Japanese girl who is able to act naturally in front of the screen. (Japanese are shy to be exposed in public)

Then I found Eri san, an enthusiastic girl I met on an entrepreneur seminar class. She appreciated my work to promote Japan culture to the world and responded to my request positively with no hesitation.

Thanks Eri san, and I hope you can learn some Japanese perspective thru the interview with Eri san. 😀


Let’s talk about my thoughts towards the interview:

p/s All contents are based on personal experience and opinions. They DO NOT represent all Japanese opinions. Thanks for your understanding.


1. Japanese has no clear impression on Malaysia

I remember before I came to Japan, I always heard about Japan as a topic in people conversation.rainy-unclear-direction-dan-haraga

We all perceive Japan as an advance country, high technology, good fashion, etc. But what do they think about us? (Malaysia)

I’ve never seen any media telling how Japan thinks about Malaysia (even there is, it’s always big media of which contents are often manipulated by many factors) Therefore, I decided to ask Eri san about her impression on Malaysia, so that you can have some idea how normal Japanese think about Malaysia.

Though the impression should vary from person to person, it turned out that often, Japanese do not have a clear impression on Malaysia. Like Eri san, many people cannot tell you what they think about Malaysia because the chances they could hear of the term “Malaysia” is almost zero in their daily lives.

However, some older people (40 above?) have a good impression on Malaysia. My assumption is that the people around that age experienced the era of “Look East Policy” (30 years ago) introduced by Dr. Mahathir (the former prime minister of Malaysia), which is a policy asserting that “Malaysia should learn from Japan instead of western upon developing our country”.

I assumed that media had promoted Malaysia to a certain context at that time. That’s why when you ask Japanese people around age 40 above, they would answer you that “Malaysia is a very good place to live!”

If you are expecting young generation (20 below) to say “Malaysia is cool, Malaysian guys are handsome…bla bla bla”, a high possibility that you might be disappointed. (except those who have travelled to Malaysia with their graduation trip. Thanks to Air Asia lol)

But recently, because of the easier access to Malaysia (Air Asia), and the trend of working in Singapore, many Japanese started to pay attention to Malaysia as a second option to live for long term. We were even ranked as the Top 1 country that “Japanese would love to live in for the rest of their lives after retirement” 7 years in a roll.

I’m very happy that in general, Malaysia’s image is getting positive in Japan. I wish that my videos and blog could help improve that image as well. 😀


2. “San-ko” (三高, lit. 3 “highs”) as a standard of choosing a boyfriend

16-Signs-That-The-Rich-Are-Getting-Richer-And-The-Poor-Are-Getting-Poorer-300x300Actually, the San-ko term is a very old term in Japan. Nowadays you can barely hear this term in Japan. So now you may think

“Eri san is still using the dead term in the video? OMG how old is she?!”

She introduced the term in the video because she does not want her personal answer about an ideal boyfriend to form a stereotype to you that “Oh~Japanese girls like this kind of guy”. So she chose to introduce a widely spread term “San-ko” in the video.

Although the term is dead nowadays, still, the concept of San-ko, which are the “tall, high education, high salary”, are somehow still a sort of standards of “ideal boyfriend in Japan.

Interestingly, we also have this says in Malaysia – an ideal man should be tall, high education, high salary. Do you have the similar concept in your country?

As I know in China, they have a say of 高富帅 (Gao-fu-shuai, means tall, rich, handsome). Instead of high education, being handsome seems to be a more important standard in China.


3. Japanese guys don’t carry bags for girls

I don’t mean all Japanese guys, but if you have dealt with Japanese guys in Japan, japanese guys are not gentlemanyou would notice that in Japan, guys don’t carry bags for girls. You are carrying a purse looking heavy, you have a big bag on your back with both hands full of shopping bags….sorry, a very high possibility that the Japanese guy would not give you a hand to help you carry them.

Now some of you may think “What? Japanese guys are not gentlemen!”

However, it’s not the case. I should say in this way, Japanese girls don’t let guys carry their bags as well.”

It’s actually a sort of social norm in Japan that “we don’t touch other people personal stuff” (privacy) & “we don’t give trouble to other people” (considerate)

I have many times tried to help Japanese girls carry their bags and stuff, but I always get declined. They always say to me

“It’s okay, I can handle this”.

Even though I get to help carry it, after a while, they will say to me

“Sorry I have let you carry the bag, I will take care of it from now on.” And grab their bags back from me.

And you know Japanese people are not self-assertive, when a Japanese girl says “It’s okay I can handle this”, the Japanese guy usually believes it and stop trying to insist on helping carry.

So it’s not that Japanese guys are not gentleman. I observed that they don’t carry bags for girls because of 2 cultural reasons

i) Never give trouble to others (so girls decline to be helped)
ii) Never push their own opinion to others (so guys don’t insist on helping when girls declined)

In my opinion, who knows the girl actually needs help? She maybe just trying to be polite. So guys, just insist on helping them carry the bags. 😀


4. Instead of telling him your feeling, sense it!

Well, I haven’t the love experience with Japanese girl so I can’t tell how they get into a relationship. But 1 thing I’m marriage-proposalconfident to say is that, Japanese prefer to read in between the lines.

I have several Japanese female friends. They have told me about their love stories before. In many cases, they declined guys who told them directly “I love you” after the first date. Instead of the quick direct proposal, they seem to prefer few more dinners, dates and try to sense each other feelings without a word….

YES! You saw it in the Japanese drama! Lol

There is a Japanese idiom 沈黙は金なり (Chin moku wa kin nari, lit. silence is gold, means being silent is the best solution). Japanese evaluate ability of reading in between lines rather than ability of explicit expression.

Now it’s your turn. Do you have the similar love values with what Eri san said in the video? Tell us your thought 🙂

Shen Lim
A Chinese Malaysian, Blogger, Vlogger on YouTube, Tour Guide in Japan. He believes 1 day his videos can bring Japan and Malaysia together. マレーシア華人、ブロガー、YouTubeクリエイター、日本にいるツアーガイドです。いつか自分の動画は日本とマレーシアを繋げる架け橋になると信じています。 Read more ABOUT him.

This Post Has 90 Comments

  1. Lydia Yip

    😀 well I enjoy listening to people speaking japanese, love love love th
    way you speak so I enjoy watching th video till th end 😀 YESH, I am
    looking forward to your next video! HAHAHA! Ganbatte (^-^)/

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  3. Akina






    1. Leong Shen Lim


      へえ〜お笑い芸人?僕はダメですよ><日本のお笑い番組みたいにあんなに大げさな言動はできないので ^^” ビデオで少し面白くすることだけですよw でも楽しんでいただけたようで嬉しいです 😀

      確かにその通りですね。三高は古いですが、身長と収入はどうも変わりがないようですね。学歴は消えつつあるのも納得します。でもマレーシア社会ではまだまだ高学歴が評価されているように感じます。これからどうなるでしょう。 (日本は常に50年後のマレーレシアだっていう言い方するんですけど)


      1. Akina



        1. Leong Shen Lim





          1. Akina



  4. TellMeAStorey

    You’re welcome ^-^ Well, he and I had gone out on several dates, some
    casual, some more “ok, this is definitely a romantic date.” I was actually
    starting to get frustrated, I thought he wasn’t going to ask me out. One
    day/night we had been hanging out alllllll day, and he finally had enough
    courage to ask me out at like 3 am haha. It’s definitely hard to directly
    tell someone how you feel and ask them out, but in America that’s what you
    have to do, it has to feel “official.”

      1. Gokong

        Haha, saya mengerti tulisan anda! Btw, Is your mother language bahasa Melayu or Chinese?

        I myself is Chinese Indonesian, but unlike Chinese Malaysian, most of us can’t speak even a bit of Chinese! >_<

        In your other video, you spoke in Mandarin, Cantonese and Hokkien… are you fluent in all? I'm so jealous of you man! haha.

        1. Leong Shen Lim

          tapi gua ngak ngerti bahasa indonesia lol my mother tongue is Chinese 😀 Yeah I’m fluent in Chinese, Cantonese, but Hokkien Im not good at speaking ^^”

          I really wanna study bahasa melayu again >< I wanna learn bahasa indonesia too!

          1. Gokong

            NANI?!!! I didn’t expect you to know that… you must have Indonesian friends over there huh, lol.

            I really like your Hokkien though in the how Malaysian guys think about Japanese girls video, it’s really funny ^^

            Haha, berjuanglah kawan!

            Gua nunggu video lu yang berikutnya ^^ buat yang lebih seru yah! 😀

          2. Leong Shen Lim

            lol, yea I have many best friends from Indonesia 🙂 Learned some words from their conversation haha.

            Really? Thanks ^^ I’m from Hokkien family, but can’t really speak fluent Hokkien. Then I thought maybe i can make use of it in different way – video 🙂 Glad you liked it ^^

            support my future videos as well!! thanks ^^ Nice to meet you Gokong!

  5. ShenLimTV


  6. lordblazer

    You have a lot of fun with these Shen!! I definitely found dating in Japan
    to be interesting, and often less complicated in certain aspects when
    compared to America (where often the superficial takes precedence and
    things get dramatic fast or there are too many games and test to take).
    anyway with that being said, I definitely found it difficult in Morocco to
    even have a format for this kind of discussion that you had in this
    episode. In some aspects I am glad to be back in America now.

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  9. bielovela

    she’s really cute
    i think most of her preference is specifically what women want
    women do like men listen her blabbering…right??*confuse
    well, at least i’m one of them hehe XP

  10. ayako tanaka

    She is a typical Japanese,
    cannot say her own opinions,
    showing no emotion…bad pronunciation…
    This especially is Japanese culture.(T_T)
    Shen,you are clever.(^O^)

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